How can I have a "New Me" if I don't know who the "Old Me" is?

Who are you?

So everywhere we see all these advertisements for "New You" and "Re-invent Yourself."  But since my last son left the house, I'm not quite sure who "I" really am.  I'm someone's wife (still love you, Babe!), and someone's Mom (even though they're both responsible adults and REALLY don't need me all that much.)  So that just leaves.... me.  Even the things I used to love don't really ring true until I figure out where I belong in the scheme of things.  But, then little things spring up, and I find myself showing glimmers of maturity that are nothing short of surprising.

Take yesterday.  Saw a post on FaceBook that in the past I would have jumped on and joined the fray.  Instead, I gave a positive answer, valuable feedback, and contact information for the person to get the help they were asking for.  Maturity, right?

What about courage? Where did all that go?  Used to be I'd jump right in and think about it after.  With maturity has come wisdom.  And with wisdom, comes trepidation.  The problem is finding that balance between caution and adventure, between seeking new thrills and not ending up in the hospital.  When you reach 50, you find that sometimes taking a step outside your comfort zone is often more risk-taking and frightening than you were expecting.  But that's where the mature me, has to call on the adventurous me.  It's going to take some chutzpa to get through all these new changes.  And to make the changes means I have to have the right attitude about them.  Don't let my own fear become a reason to not see with clarity.

So, can I say I'm not quite the little old lady waving her cane in the air and yelling at kids to get out of her yard?  Can I admit that I can be wise, and not be OLD?  Answer: yes.

So the answer to the BIG question "Who are you?" I. Am. Mature.

God Willing & The Creek Don't Rise...

 

Where are you?

In just over a week, I'm going to turn 52 years old.  I wonder how this happened. Not the age part, but the AGE aspect.  I was always never satisfied where I was, so I would count myself as a year older that day after my birthday. In simpler terms,  I was 10 years old from October 3rd, 1974 to October 1st, 1975.  I had to find some way of making sense of those age cut-off for starting school. If you're 5 years old for almost the entire year, why do you have to wait until you're almost 6 before going to Kindergarten?

But age is just a number. AGE is something else entirely.  Somehow I became OLD.  Like how my Mom used to sit in the living room with my Dad and watch old movies on their black and white tv.  It didn't just sneak up on me either. I should have seen it coming, but like everything else that happens when you're holding on to 29, I didn't think it would happen to ME.  I couldn't handle teaching because all of a sudden I didn't like yelling kids. So I stayed to help out with my elderly Mother-in-law.  When she passed away, I kind of drifted.... and drifted.... and now here I am.
Not just physically, but emotionally.  Hiding like a hermit in a cave, I type away at my funny, troll-like comments on FaceBook and then skulk around on Pinterest to find things to stock my imaginary beach house and camper.

This is where I am: Fat, depressed, and over 50.

BUT.... (and you know that "but" is like a delete button for all that's said previously)... I have raised 2 incredible young men, who are responsible adults who make their own way in life without lots of hovering.  I have an incredibly healthy marriage to a man who knows me better than myself but has enough tact to not say what he's thinking! (Thanks, babe!)

Where are you going?

When I was growing up in tiny little Cut Bank, Montana, I would stand on the sidewalk in front of our house on Highway 2, looking to the East.  I just KNEW there was something happening out there, and I wanted to be a part of it.  This point of view where I'm constantly looking forward has served me well as an Army Wife.  We've moved 17 times over the last 29 years, across the country, across the street, and across the ocean.

And now we're starting a new direction:  we're moving to New Jersey. And for the first time, I'm on my own without kids as a distraction.  N.O. children. And doing the Army Wife thing, after staying by myself in my bubble for so long?

So, this is my future.  Join me as I post my journey.  As a mid-life woman without a normal life.  Will I make it? God willing and the creek don't rise... I certainly hope so!